AN IRREVERENT LOOK AT ALL THINGS SAID, CONSIDERED, TWEETED, POSTED, PHOTOGRAPHED, PLAYED AND OTHERWISE GONE AMUCK IN COLLEGE SPORTS
News item: Oregon State Coach Gary Andersen walks away from $12 million in guaranteed salary.
Reaction: Yep, that's how badly Andersen wanted out of Corvallis. The coach was willing to quit, mid-season, with four years left on his contract. He dumped Oregon State like Liz Taylor used to dump husbands: "Just get me out of this!" Some people are giving Andersen credit for not holding Oregon State hostage for the next four years. Others would call him a quitter for leaving a bad Beavers' team, at its lowest point. One thing is clear: Andersen has severely damaged his ability to to ever quit on a team again. He also walked out on Wisconsin after only one season, remember, and also (allegedly, not verified, scurrilous rumor) out of an Appleton Applebees without paying his bill.
Andersen also trashed his Oregon State assistant coaches, as revealed in texts to love-to-read columnist John Canzano of the the Oregonian: Andersen (Sept. 20):"I hired the wrong (expletive) guys and are still working our way through a bunch of recruiting years that stunk!! It's year three! If these (expletives) can't get it right I will not just say fire them and start over!! That's not the way to go about it. If I (expletive) it up that bad I will take the bullet and ride off into the sunset! I will stay old school!! I will not die doing this (expletive)!! Stay tuned!"
Which leads us, appropriately, to Washington State Coach Mike Leach's quote of the week. He wasn't referring to foul-mouthed Gary Andersen, but this seems perfect for the occasion: "Like Huckleberry Finn said, 'Some days I just have to swear to get a good taste in my mouth.'"
What was Mike Leach referring to? I'm still not sure. He dropped the Huck reference at his weekly press conference during a dissertation on why college football should adopt an NFL-type playoff.
One thing is for sure: Like Huck, you never know what's coming out of Leach's mouth.
Anyway, back on point: is it hard to win at Oregon State? Yes. Is it impossible? No. Mike Riley and Dennis Erickson proved that. Just consider Erickson's marvelous 11-1 season in 2000, capped by 41-9 win over Notre Dame in the Fiesta Bowl. Oregon State's only loss that season was 33-30 at Washington. Did Erickson have to cheat to get that season? Maybe. Is cheating always a fair exchange for an 11-1 campaign, especially in a college town starving for attention? Probably. Mike Riley also went 10-4 at Oregon State in 2006 and had three other nine-win seasons.
Andersen flees Oregon State after going 7-23 in two-plus seasons. Actually, that two-plus was a big minus.
News item: The University of Florida is breaking out new uniforms for this week's game against Texas A&M.
Reaction: This could be the school's worst mistake since the Gators goofed and put a crocodile on the cover of their 2003 media guide.[membership level="0"] The rest of this article is available to subscribers only - to become a subscriber click here.[/membership] [membership]
And yeah, go ahead and blame Oregon for every bad uniform that has been trotted out in the last decade. But at least Oregon never put a beaver on the cover of its football media guide.
This hasn't been a good week for Florida, which lost to LSU at home, 17-16, the difference being a missed extra point. The Gators lost to a reeling LSU team that was coming off a home loss to Troy. Florida only further motivated LSU by making the Tigers a homecoming opponent. "Homecomings" are generally reserved for a "cupcake" team you know you can beat.
Did we mention it was a bad week for Florida? We're not sure what to make of these uniforms but, as far as we can tell, they are modeled after real alligators. In 2003, the school had to scramble when it accidentally used a crocodile as the focal point for that season's football media guide.
KIFFIN TO WORLD: "Hey, F-AU."
News item: Lane Kiffin can't help himself.
Reaction: Florida Atlantic Coach Lane Kiffin, if it isn't clear by now, will never pass up an opportunity to dig a former employer. This week, he took a shot at Alabama Coach Nick Saban, who is becoming increasingly upset over the media's over-adulation of his his undefeated Crimson Tide. Saban lashed out after his team "struggled" to defeat Texas A&M by only 12 points. “I’m trying to get our players to listen to me instead of listening to you guys,” Saban said in his post-game presser. “All that stuff you write about how good we are. All that stuff they hear on ESPN. It’s like poison. “It’s like taking poison. “Like RAT poison.”
Kiffin responded this week with a special tweet.
COCAINE COWBOYS? NO, DOLPHINS
Most disturbing meme of the week\year\decade: Miami Dolphins assistant Chris Foerster caught on video sniffing a white substance off a table.
Well, hey, he WAS a "line" coach. How come we never see this kind of stuff on HBO's "Hard Knocks."
Foerster reportedly sent the video to his Las Vegas "girlfriend," who then turned on her boyfriend by posting it on Facebook. It's like I've always said to my kids: Nothing good ever happens after midnight, or on social media, or consumed via rolled-up hundred dollar bills.
What is Foerster's connection to college? He played and coached at Colorado State and did an assistant-coaching gig (1988-91) at Stanford...Stanford! The Cardinal head coaches at that time were Jack Elway and Dennis Green.
The woman at the heart of this scandal, Kijuana Nige, is from Las Vegas (of course). She spilled the beans Wednesday on Dan LeBatard's ESPN radio show. She said she and Foerster hooked up in September while the Dolphins were practicing in Oxnard in advance of their game with the L.A. Chargers.
Money quote: "Chris Foerster used me as cocaine platter."
What was Foerster thinking by sending that video to Nige. No, wait...he must have been high.
No question this would have made the best "Miami Vice" episode...EVER.
Anyway, here's hoping Foerster gets the help he needs, Nige makes the most of her 15 minutes of fame and the Miami Dolphins aren't involved in a wider international drug\hooker\laundering ring that could divert their owner away from cutting players who engage in the heinous act of kneeling down for the national anthem.
Snorting a kilo, kids, might only get you a four-game suspension.
To tie this all up: Oregon State Coach Gary Andersen left $12 million on the table.
And so, maybe, did Miami Dolphins coach Chris Foerster. Meanwhile, the Russians are trying to figure out to exploit all this with a Facebook advert.
Ain't America Great (again)?[/membership]