Week 4 from all sides and directions: Urban’s back but Alabama is still in front. The Pac 12 (South) and Big Ten (West) are sideways; take the OVER on Kansas at Baylor and the UNDER on Eastern Michigan at San Diego State; ESPN Gameday is going North by Northwest to Stanford at Oregon while Jimbo and Texas A&M are headed East to Tuscaloosa. Northern Illinois is booked South to Northwest Florida to put another scare (probably) into down-graded Florida State. But things are looking up for West Virginia but not for North (or South) Carolina. If anyone cares Western (Michigan) and Western (Kentucky) are contractually bound to Georgia State and Ball State. What happened to Northwestern, Southern California and Westwood? South Bend, traveling to Wake Forest, is 3-0 but hardly playing Northern Lights out. Some have described the Irish as Aurora BORE-alis. And for some reason, way out west, somewhere over the rainbow, Duquesne is playing at Hawaii…
1: Alabama (2-0): Saban is 12-0 against former assistants, 15-0 against former dentists, 22-0 against former plumbers and 17-0 against former landscapers. (2)
2: Oklahoma (3-0): Dual-threat (Baseball-Football) QB Kyler Murray loves salt but strictly adheres to all “No Pepper” postings. (3)[membership level="0"] The rest of this article is available to subscribers only - to become a subscriber click here.[/membership] [membership]
3: Ohio State (3-0): Urban’s repeated line “I sincerely regret misstatements” just tied “Good luck, we’re all counting on you” from Airplane. (6)
4: LSU (3-0): Thank-you bouquet from kicker Cole Tracy’s family arrives in head coach's office with note attached: “Flowers for Orgeron.” (11)
5: Clemson (3-0): Georgia Tech offense’s has three options for Clemson’s defense this week and none of them are going to work. (4)
6: Georgia (3-0): Rodrigo Blankenship’s recent switch from pink shoes to silver shoes is front-page story in this week's edition of "Punt, Pastels and Kick." (5)
7: Auburn (2-1): “Just what the doctor ordered,” team physician says after work up on Arkansas’ vital signs arrived on his desk. (1)
8: Stanford (3-0): Geek Squad reports last weekend’s 11 a.m. start against UC Davis made not showing up for Saturday home games so much easier. (8)
9: Washington (2-1): Hard to believe Huskies have lost 11 of last 12 to Arizona State but I still can't believe Herm Edwards is the Sun Devils' coach. (9)
10: Notre Dame (3-0): Ghost of Grantland Rice (Vanderbilt grad) seen slamming down phone in South Bend press box after Irish’s lucky win. (10)
11: Penn State (3-0): Nittany Down Stables provides practice blinders this week to prevent players from looking past Illinois to Ohio State. (NR)
12: West Virginia (2-0): Let’s play two? WVU and Oklahoma would play back-to-back games if both end up in Big 12 champ title tilt. (13)
13: Mississippi State (3-0): NFL scouts looking to see QB Nick Fitzgerald told to meet at Waffle House in Winona for pickup truck escort to Starkville. (15)
14: Oklahoma State (3-0): Booster Two-Boone Pickens was said to be thrilled after Cowboys blocked a couple punts against Boise State (NR)
15: Virginia Tech (2-0): Next four games for Hokies are Old Dominion, Duke, Notre Dame and Grand Duchess of Gerolstein. (4)
16: Texas Christian (2-1): Lawmakers in Austin consider gerrymandering in order to prevent fifth straight win by Frogs over U of Texas. (NR)
First Four Out
Michigan: Harbaugh’s petition to move immediately to “Big Ten West deemed “Not in the spirit of the new NCAA transfer rule as written or intended…”
Central Florida: Knights 2-0 for first time since last year while last year’s coach is 0-2 for first time since 1957.
California: Hottest three-week September start for a bear since “Gentle Ben” hit No. 2 in the Nielsen ratings on CBS in 1967.
Brigham Young: Win at Wisconsin described by one player as "biggest caffeine rush he’s ever had without ever ingesting coffee or Coke."
Next Four Never
Florida State: Taggart asks for patience as Seminole fans search Google App “Biblical passages” to see how many minutes Job had to wait.
UCLA: For historical reference the 1943 team coached by Babe Horrell lost its first seven before beating St. Mary’s on Nov. 20.
Rutgers: Coach Ash cautioned after Kansas it can take “50 or 60 years” to turn a program around? Wait…sorry, Ash said “five or six years.”
Purdue: Hosting Boston College this weekend for first, and God help us, the last time.[/membership]