Rankman has a feeling this year is going to have more flips than the U.S. Women’s gymnastics team in Rio. And isn’t it great Simone Biles is penning her autobiography at age 19? We can’t wait for her to reminisce about the good “old days” way back when she was 17. When people ask Rankman about wild team fluctuations every week he answers that he runs a weekly poll, a living, breathing organism. Teams go up and down like a yo-yo based on performance. Rankman will never protect a team’s position just to support his own stubborn hypothesis, unless he really likes the school, or once bought a sweat shirt in its books store.[membership level="0"] The rest of this article is available to subscribers only - to become a subscriber click here.[/membership] [membership] So that’s how Houston can go from unranked to No. 7 in one week, and Wisconsin can go from not ranked to No. 5. The Badgers’ “neutral site” win over LSU earned it the jump over Michigan, even though Michigan won by 60 against Hawaii. That promotion just felt right, even though we understand why Jersey Guy would keep Michigan at No.1 even though the Blind Sisters of Mercy can see Alabama is the best team after week one. The point is no one should freak out over any given week and that things will change. And that the only ranking that matters is in early December.
1: Alabama (1-0): Emma Saban Lazarus says: “Give me, USC, your tired, your poor, your huddled (or no huddle if that’s what offense you run) masses yearning to breathe free.” (3)
2: Florida State (1-0): Rankman really digs that new redshirt freshman Seminoles’ quarterback: Deondre Jameis Francois Winston. (6)
3: Clemson (1-0): Musburger\Rankman go 50 shades of apoplectic as Dabo recklessly refuses to kick the spread-covering field goal! (2)
4: Texas (1-0): Mack Brown says there is no quarterback controversy and that Major Applewhite and Chris Simms will share snaps this week against Texas El Paso. (NR)
5: Wisconsin 1-0: Would feel more comfortable taking the Lambeau faith leap if the Badgers got to miss MSU, Michigan and Ohio State again this season. (NR)
6: Michigan (1-0): Harbaugh vows to cut down on being a distraction this week by insulting only three ESPN color analysts, two ice cream vendors and a partridge in a pear tree. (4)
7: Houston 1-0: Ten-years-ago Boise thinks it’s funny Cougars are already considered title contenders with a schedule of Lamar\Texas State\SMU\UCF\Tulane\Tulsa. (NR)
8: Ohio State (1-0): It must stink for Urban's immediate family that he can go 49-4 in Columbus and still be considered the distant second best coach in college football. (10)
9: Oregon (1-0): Brady Hoke’s new defense, after allowing 28 points to UC Davis, has been renamed after a popular Oregon town: “Break-But-Don’t-Bend.” (11)
10: Stanford (1-0): School officials admit they have no game plan to deal with Christian McCaffrey actually leading a national Heisman poll. (12)
11: Notre Dame (0-1): The Irish will rotate head coaches this week against Nevada, then pick the hot one just in time to lose the game in overtime. (1)
12: Washington (1-0): Geologists compare last weekend’s grind on Rutgers to the forming, about 17 million years ago, of Columbia River Gorge. (15)
13: Michigan State (1-0): Big Ten warning label says: don't operate heavy machinery while trying to watch replay of Spartans'opening win last Saturday. (8)
14: Boise State (1-0): Ah shucks: UL Lafayette pays Boise ultimate compliment after last week’s 45-10 loss by firing its defensive coordinator. (16)
15: Texas A&M (1-0): Manziel attempting to become first person to graduate TAMU taking mid-term tests, on his smart phone, from a surf board in Malibu. (NR)
16: LSU (0-1): How much heat is on Les? The McIlhenny Company, makers of “Tobasco,” on Avery Island, La., on Monday put Miles on their hot-sauce seat. (5)
First four out
Tennessee (1-0): Vols racing this week at Bristol Motor Speedway in the Phil Fulmer 500.
Georgia (1-0): Only SEC East team right now that can be trusted with a quarterback-center exchange.
Oklahoma (0-1): “Big Game” Bob is already bobbing with upcoming games against Ohio State, TCU and Texas.
UCLA (0-1): “Chosen One” Rosen outplayed by two true freshmen on Saturday (Shane Buechele and Jalen Hurts)
Asked by security to leave top 16: Oklahoma (7), Tennessee (8), UCLA(13), USC (14)
Next four in NEVER
Rutgers (0-1): Say what you want but the Scarlet Knights never seem to buckle under pressure of covering the weekly point spread.
Kansas (1-0): They say the biggest gifts sometimes come in the smallest packages. So enjoy that win over Rhode Island.
Charlotte (0-1): “Bad luck” 49ers were 0-for-13 on third down in 70-14 loss to Louisville. Good news: next week hosts Elon.
Hawaii (0-2): Political map looks bleak as total points allowed vs. California and Michigan (114) exceeds states’ total Electoral College votes (71).[/membership]