There’s a new number No.1 this week and this team shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who has followed this brilliant coach’s career from Ashtabula, Cincinnati, Notre Dame, Bowling Green, Utah, Florida, brief retirement, back to Florida, retirement again, ESPN, back to college and also his countless statements to “never, ever underestimate Tim Tebow” in the NFL with the Denver Broncos, the New York Jets, and now, in baseball, after his first batting practice home run with an affiliate for the New York Mets. Another team stayed in this week’s top-10 thanks to not one, but TWO penalties on the Georgia Hedgehogs after they scored what should have been the game-winning TD with 10 seconds left on Uga’s watch. Just once, after a score, Rankman would love to see a player gently hand the ball to the official and get awarded 15 yards for “sportsmanlike” conduct.
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1: Ohio State (4-0): Rutgers hands Indiana the scouting report for the Columbus Destroyers with a P.S: “Run for Your Lives!” (4)
2: Alabama (5-0): Practices remain closed to media but the hand gun policy for linebackers continues to be “open carry.” (2)
3: Michigan (5-0): Harbaugh’s son came up with idea for 10-man “I” formation after watching NOVA special on centipedes. (5)
4: Clemson (5-0): The great part now is that the team should be favored in every remaining game it is favored in. (6)
5: Washington (5-0): Petersen bans players from talking to media for fear they’ll hear news about 12 straight losses to Oregon. (9)
6: Louisville (4-1): Losing one close game to Clemson won’t end playoff chances. Losing one more close game to Kentucky will prompt an investigation. (1)
7: Houston (5-0): Word is Herman, who studied sports broadcasting at Cal Lutheran, wants to coach and do play-by-play for Texas. (8)
8: Wisconsin (4-1): Some think Paul Chryst is just Jim Harbaugh with a lower profile and a better clothing deal at The Gap. (3)
9: Tennessee (5-0): Former star QB calls to extend best wishes and also to say Nationwide is on their side (10)
10: Boise State (4-0): School will celebrate 30th year of unique playing surface with pregame fly-over by the Blue Field Angels. (11)
11: Texas A&M (5-0): Sumlin’s Aggies are 5-0 for a third straight season surely on their way to a third straight 8-5 season. (12)
12: Nebraska (5-0): Riley stubs toe on pitchfork as portrait artist named Wood paints rustic-feel “American Husker.” (15)
13: Stanford (3-1): UCLA and USC recant previous statements saying they both want to play more like Stanford. (7)
14: Miami (4-0): Three prominent Campbells--Luther, Chunky Chicken and Neve--predict Canes’ will end six-game losing streak to FSU. (NR).
15: North Carolina (4-1): Springsteen cancelation and protester boycotts force Rankman to relocate Tar Heels’ poll position to Orlando. (NR)
16: Baylor (5-0): CFB playoff committee version of a stomach flu you feel coming on but know you can’t stop. (NR)
First FOUR OUT
Utah: Team made Cal’s goal line defense look like “All Quiet on the Western Front.”
UCLA: Pac 12 home office reprimands Jim Mora this week for acting just like Jim Mora.
LSU: Cajun shrimper brought in to explain “language” of Orgeron’s new offense.
Colorado: Things so crazy Ralphie checked into local “Holiday Pen” under an assumed name.
Honorary Poll Bearers
California (hoping Davis Webb’s favorite show is “Dragnet”), Ole Miss (four more losses could knock Rebels out of coaches’ poll), Arkansas (what’s this: Porky Pig bets farm on Alabama?), Western Michigan (P.J. Fleck latest young star Notre Dame wouldn’t dare hire), Florida (“Swamp Thing” this weekend is Hurricane Matthew).
Next Four NEVER
Arkansas State: Congrats for recently handing Central Arkansas its first win over FBS opponent.
Iowa State: Blew chance to knock Baylor’s bad-news Bears out of the playoff chase.
Kansas: Clinging to tiny win over University of Smallest State (Rhode Island).
Oregon State: Last Pac 12 win recorded Nov. 15, 2014 (Year of Our Lord).[/membership]