Rankman's super duper ranking\comments: Week 7

This halfway point in the season has me half baked. You know, what with people going all half-cocked on who is going to make the playoff, win the half-Heisman and get the half-decent Nebraska job. It's poison, I'm telling you, the stuff being spewed to our children. R-a-t poison. I have half-a-mind to do what Gary Andersen did at Oregon State: turn this car half-way around and go halfway home. Corvallis: now there's a half-hour sitcom. And how about we wait half-a-second, Kirk Herbstreit, before anointing Saquon Barkley as a better running back than Bryce Love, or Rashaad Penny? Or using College Game Day bully pulpit to criticize Washington for wanting to play day games every week like more than half the Big Ten teams do? And what about Wisconsin's half-ass, non-conference schedule? It's way closer to 2% than half-and-half. And UDub shouldn't get caught up with half-wits back east who won't stay up to half-past-midnight to watch a really good team play. Just take care of your half of the schedule, Huskies, and let the College Football Playoff selection committee get the rest of it half-right. And while I admire the Pac 12's attempt to shorten games, I'm not sure cutting five minutes of the half-time show is going to do anything other than tick off the conference band directors. A better way to speed up games is to cut out half the targeting calls. At the halfway point I still have no idea what targeting is, or isn't, or why it's different in the Pac 12 than it is halfway across the country. Anyway, good luck to everyone in the second half.


This week's ranking\comments.[membership level="0"] The rest of this article is available to subscribers only - to become a subscriber click here.[/membership] [membership]

1: Clemson (6-0): Tigers at Syracuse paired in same-color mismatch at the Traffic Cone Bowl: Orange you glad there’s other stuff on TV? (2)

2: Alabama (6-0): Toxins other than “rat poison” media is feeding players: arsenic, cyanide, ricin and new-and-improved “Tide.” (1)

3: Georgia (6-0): It might be noted—but won’t be here--that schools currently and recently coached by Mark Richt are a combined 10-0. (3)

4: Washington (6-0): Coach Pete should dress as Herbstreit for Halloween and hand out cupcakes (Rutgers, Montana, Fresno State) to kids at door. (4)

5: Penn State (6-0): Scranton-based ESPN panel declares Barkley needs one more sub-100-yard rushing day to nail down Heisman. (5)

6: Texas Christian (5-0): Coach tells media the one thing he hates more than being shunned and ignored is being fawned over and praised. (7)

7: Ohio State (5-1): Descendent of Franklin says chances of Urban running up scores to stay in playoff chase likely as “death and taxes.” (9)

8: Washington State (6-0): Leach loves Pac 12 After Dark and wants Apple Cup moved to a Sidney Sheldon trash novel: “The Other Side of Midnight.” (10)

9: Wisconsin (5-0): Four things not on the fall schedule: warm summer nights, swims in lake, Ohio State, Penn State. (11)

10: Auburn (5-1): School denies academic fraud charges although one player allegedly claimed you can’t spell Auburn without an “A.” (13)

11: San Diego State (6-0): View from here is Boise defense can’t stop RB Penny with the usual nickel and dime coverages. (12)

12: USC (5-1): Some think offensive tune-up may require radical switch from Clay, Tee & Tyson to Manny, Moe & Jack. (14)

13: Oklahoma State (5-1): “I’ll take salami and cheese,” one coach said after hearing subpoenas were being served at basketball office. (15)

14 Miami(4-0): By FAR the biggest circle on this year’s calendar is Nov. 30 versus “end of 2017 Atlantic Hurricane Season.” (NR)

15: Notre Dame (5-1): Players during bye week meeting told to slowly, but calmly, turn playbook binder pages to second half of schedule. (16)

16: Michigan State (4-1): Shaping up as a pretty decent season if only because nothing could be more indecent than the last off season. (NR)

First Four Out

Oklahoma: Short-term memory loss Rankman can’t recall the last time Sooners lost to Texas back in Oct. of 2016.

Michigan:If Harbaugh doesn’t start beating some big-time rivals soon he’s going to have a few more on his own campus.

Central Florida: School tears up Frost’s contract and sweetens new extension with offer of free oranges “for the rest of coach’s life.”

South Florida: Nerds who stored up on canned goods\bottled water in advance of “Charlie” and “strong” are told that’s just the name of head coach.

Next Four Never

UTEP: Interim Coach Mike Price delivers a knockout, 15-14 debut defeat some say was not as close as the score indicated.

Charlotte: Some “hard-liners” at local all-men’s country club want school to switch to a more masculine name.

UMASS: School not ready to drop football yet, but some are suggesting it be gently set down on the ground.

Kent State: There is a small chance that players at Nick Saban’s struggling alma mater ARE being fed rat poison. [/membership]