Rankman's Super Duper ranking\comments: Week 9

Everyone seems to be locked into four teams now as the stone-cold favorites: Laker announcer Chick Hearn would have called this “garbage” time in the second half of the College Football Playoff. “The refrigerator door is closed, the lights are out, the eggs are coolin’, the butter’s getting hard and the jello’s jiggling.” So, let’s introduce the Frozen Four: Alabama, Michigan, Washington and Clemson. Except, two of these mascot meats, the Huskies and Tigers, could be spoiled by next week. Washington plays at dangerous Utah while Clemson plays at Florida State. Michigan still faces Ohio State, while Alabama plays LSU and Auburn. Meanwhile, Houston’s second loss has heated up the race for the “Group of 5” champion that gets awarded a bid to a major bowl. The contestants are now Boise State out of the Mountain West and Western Michigan of the MAC. Stay tuned. Rankman only slightly dinged Ohio State and Texas A&M for losses to Penn State and Alabama, but one more slip and you’re O-U-T![membership level="0"] The rest of this article is available to subscribers only - to become a subscriber click here.[/membership] [membership]

1: Alabama (8-0): Injury in secondary biggest “Jackson” unit loss since Michael left group to start solo career. (1)

2: Michigan (7-0): (3) A-lemonade pies, with your brand-new car, you’re Jimmy, in Disguise, with Glasses.

3: Washington (7-0): Playoff committee member Willingham must leave room during discussions of his 0-12 team of 2008. (4)

4: Clemson (7-0): What a season: Tigers won their bye weekend when Sunday shanked a 31-field goal with no daylight remaining. (6)

5: Ohio State (6-1): Buckeyes finish first in Pennsylvania “Blocked punt, pass and returned-for-TD-kick” competition. (2)

6: Louisville (6-1): In famous jersey terms, Cards led NC State at half last week by Jerry West to Russell Westbrook (44-0). (7)

7: Wisconsin (5-2): Rest easy Badgers: biggest two-time loser from Wisconsin will always be Sen. Joe McCarthy. (8)

8: Boise State (7-0): Houston’s second loss greatly improves Broncos chances of getting hosed by playoff committee. (9)

9: Texas A&M (6-1): (5) School files complaint with SEC alleging Alabama was using a 12th man on defense.

10: Nebraska (7-0): Last time someone was ranked this high in early polling--for no good reason--was Herman Cain. (10)

11: Baylor (6-0): Trying to become first team in history to win Big XII title in same year it loses Title IX. (11).

12: Florida State (5-2): Hasn’t been a “home dog” in Las Vegas since Lassie rescued Timmy from quicksand. (12)

13: Utah (7-1): Reggie Bush sends Joe Williams nice note and the UCLA Bruin pelt he ran over in 2005. (13)

14: Western Michigan (8-0): Popular boy-band in Kalamazoo, "Best Directional," breaks up when Zayne leaves to join the "Group of 5." (14)

15: West Virginia(6-0): Rankman waxes nostalgic over the 11-0 team in 1993 because he got to see Fats Domino at Sugar Bowl Party. (NR)

16: Oklahoma (5-2): The late, great Will Rogers, who once said he never met a Sooner defense he didn't like, never saw this one. (15).

First Four Out

Auburn: Averaged 9.5 yards and 8.3 snickers per carry against Arkansas.

LSU: Fournette broke several arm tackles in running for 284 yards against All Miss.

Colorado: Official scorekeeper rules “no save” for closer in 10-5 over Stanford.

Florida: Been so long between games Gatorade will be spiked with “Rustoleum.”

Honorary Poll Bearers

Tennessee (Butch takes team to see movie about guy who counts his millions “The Accountant”), Navy, (Any t-shirt order purchased on school’s website comes with free mid-shipping). Washington State (ASU coach’s joke about Leach: Why did the chicken-bleep cross the road?), USC (Watch for “dirty trick” play called “Segretti” to honor former alum and political operative),

Next Four Never

Rutgers: Two-point loss to Minnesota proves team is only one field goal from just being crummy..

Oregon: Phil Knight tries to lure Chip Kelly back to Eugene with new pair of “Air Mariotas.”

Kansas: This week’s opponent, Oklahoma, last week scored 65 points versus Texas Tech.

Notre Dame: Sixth defeat vs. Miami would make Notre Dame’s season “All about the L.”[/membership]