Rankman once ran as a member of the “Know-Nothing” party but otherwise tries to stay out of politics; thus it is only due to lack of football ability that no schools from North Carolina are ranked. The L.A. Rams weren’t in the top 16 last week because this is a college poll, but we dropped them anyway after last week’s performance against San Francisco. It seems a safe bet that Rankman, by season’s end, can continue to boast he covered the last winning team for the Los Angeles Rams. That was 1989, which also ended with a loss at San Francisco, the game where former Purdue quarterback Jim Everett fell down after hearing the footsteps of Charles Haley (James Madison). Clemson retreats four spots this week after Troy sneaked into town and dropped hidden players out of a horse. Georgia also slips after it slipped on a banana peel against Nicholls State. Rankman also refuses to apologize to ESPN’s Tom Rinaldi for continuing to ignore Baylor.[membership level="0"] The rest of this article is available to subscribers only - to become a subscriber click here.[/membership] [membership]
1: Alabama (2-0): Saban actually was livid Kiffin messed up his sideline order off laminated play menu: “I ordered the Grand Slam and you brought me Moons over Miami!” (1)
2: Florida State (2-0): Bad news: injured star DB Derwin James declared “out 5 to 7” weeks, or “35 to 49 days,” whichever comes first. (2)
3: Texas (2-0): Bevo takes early train to Berkeley so he can stop by and visit relatives near Lake Tahoe on “The Ponderosa.” (4)
4: Ohio State (2-0): AP in New York trying to confirm upcoming meeting of top two teams in AP poll history in Norman. (8)
5: Wisconsin 2-0: Bear Grylls looked at Badgers schedule after Georgia State and says “Not even I am going down that cliff.” (5)
6: Michigan (2-0): Harbaugh tells “TMG Nose Witness News” he did NOT pick a booger and eat it on national television. (6)
7: Clemson (2-0): Lessons learned in recent close brush at Death Valley. If at first you don’t succeed, Troy, Troy again. (3)
8: Houston 2-0: Rankman’s problem: too many games on schedule you can win, 42-0, with quarterback Greg Ward Jr. sitting out. (7)
9: Oregon (2-0): Duck the Bounty Hunter tracks down Riley in Lincoln and says, “You can run from Corvallis but you can’t hide.” (9)
10: Stanford (1-0): USC turns down advice from L.A.’s new NFL team on how best to defeat a rival team from Bay Area. (10)
11: Notre Dame (1-1): Fifty years later Ara agrees to settle 10-10 Michigan State tie with best of three game: Rockne-paper-scissors. (11)
12: Washington (2-0): Coach Pete has everything under control on his side of state while The Pirate walks plank with sword swinging. (12)
13: Michigan State (1-0): Remembering 2013, Dantonio has team practicing “pass interference” defense against scout-team Notre Dame. (13)
14: Boise State (2-0):
Would like to remind Group of 5 people that they, not Houston, beat Oklahoma in a big game first. (14)
15: Louisville (2-0): Rankman will board QB’s Heisman train first time he accounts for 8 touchdowns against team not named “Charlotte.” (NR)
16: Tennessee (2-0):Varoom, varoom. Trailed V-Tech big at Bristol Motor Speedway but then the fuel-injectors kicked in. (NR)
First Four Out
Texas A&M: Honestly felt really, really bad about shutting out a fellow A&M, Prairie View, last week by 67 points. (15)
LSU: Can win big if former Purdue QB turns out as good as Dawson, Griese, Brees, Everett or Verne’s CBS sidekick. (16)
Florida: Big week for Del Rios as Gator QB Luke shines and Raider dad Jack goes for two to beat Saints.
UCLA: Long road to Josh Rosen’s mountain top continues this week at Mt. Provo (4,549 feet)
Honorary Poll Bearers
Nicholls State: Moved up to 211 in Sagarin ratings after gutty two-point loss at Georgia.
Georgia: Remained in Sagarin top 50 (48) after gutty two-point home win over Nicholls.
Georgia Southern: Covered spread with big win at South Alabama, which had just covered spread with big win at Cowbell State.
Service Academies: Army, Navy and Air Force are 6-0 for the first time since the invasion of Grenada.
Next Four NEVER
Rice: Made a killer power point presentation to Big 12, but allowed Army to become 2-0 for the first time since 1996.
Florida International: First two results: 13 and 14 points. They say teams improve most between first and second losses.
Rutgers: Seems perfect the Curly, Moe and Larry of major college programs spotted Howard a 14-0 lead.
Charlotte: Already unloaded on this year by Louisville, the NCAA and the Atlanta Coast Conference.[/membership]