Rankman super duper ranking\comments: week 14

We at TMG feel for the College Football Playoff selection committee. Our rankings are for fun. The real committee, though, is staring at a fiery inferno if the Big Ten champion loses a playoff spot to a team (or two) from the Big Ten that didn’t win its own division. Making tough decisions is the price the committee must pay for eating all those A-quality cheese balls from the buffet tray. We will continue to pick team names out of a 10-gallon hat and randomly order them with comments. Rankman also doesn’t understand all the fighting over the No. 4 position in the CFP ranking. Doesn’t that mean you have to play Alabama? Good luck to all on this final regular-season weekend not counting Army-Navy, which is being played a week from Saturday right before Baker Mayfield wins the Heisman.[membership level="0"] The rest of this article is available to subscribers only - to become a subscriber click here.[/membership] [membership]

1: Alabama (12-0): “It’s never Ok to lose a game!” except that one time in regular season to LSU back in 2011. (1)

2: Clemson (11-1): Big effort vs. V. Tech could earn Watson trophy awarded annually by the Gobbler Town Hokie Memorial Trust. (4)

3: Ohio State (11-1): Meyer\Harbaugh born in same Toledo Hospital to sold-out crowds in the Cesarean Section. (2)

4: Washington (11-1): Playoff committee prepares one statement for Huskies that starts “You want the bad news first?” (6)

5: Michigan (10-2): Harbaugh will donate $10,000 fine to “LenseCrafters Fund” for visually impaired Big Ten refs. (3)

6: Wisconsin (10-2): Alvarez not allowed in room when team discussed, but may put his ear to a Dixie Cup on the outside door. (7)

7: Oklahoma (9-2): Committee assures Sooners are still in line for a top bowl that includes a gift bag. (8)

8: Penn State (10-2): The fraternal “Knights of Nittany” propose separate four-team playoff involving only Big Ten schools. (10)

9: USC (9-3): “FireHelton” campaign closes last office run out of trunk of 1990 Lumina parked at Felix Chevrolet. (13)

10: Colorado (10-2): Rocky Mountain Mood Wrecker reports last league title game ended in 70-3 loss to Texas (2005). (14)

11: Western Michigan (12-0): Top search firm hoping to change coach’s motto to “Row, row, row your boat, gently out of town…” (11)

12: Oklahoma State (9-2): Controversial loss to Central Michigan may come back to bit you right in the Chippewas. (NR)

13: Florida State (9-3): Jimbo’s demands for LSU included a 10-year contract and 50% of the “Louisiana Purchase.” (13).

14: Florida (9-3): Title of offensive playoff book for Alabama: “Three inches and a cloud of dust.” (16)

15: LSU (8-4): Other guys who looked like programs they coached: Ditka (Bear), Shula (Dolphin). Chaney (Temple Owl). (9)

16: Navy (9-2): Win over Temple would completely screw up bowl picture so, by all means…full steam ahead! (NR)

First Four Out

Stanford: Long-forgotten McCaffrey leads nation in all-for-what-purpose-yardage.

West Virginia: If Holgerson goes to Oregon the Ducks’ top two revenue programs would have coaches named “Dana.”

Louisville: Last Heisman winner to lose last two games was A) Helen Gurley Brown; B) Tim Brown C) Jerry Brown.

Houston: AD looks skyward and cries: “How do you replace a coach who lost to SMU and Memphis?”

Honorary Poll Bearers

Auburn (one Sugar Bowl lumps, or two, with your coffee?), Virginia Tech (Rankman's analytics give Hokies a 43.27% shot of upending Clemson), Pittsburgh (76 points against Syracuse...really?).

Next Four Never

Rutgers: “You can’t lose, Oregon, Greg Schiano was the best 68-67 coach we ever had.”

Oregon: “Ok, but he’s going to have to learn how to pronounce “Will-AM-ette.”

Notre Dame: Sorry Irish fans, but Kelly says he fully intends on returning next year.

Virginia: Streak of seven straight losses put on hold by end of season.[/membership]