Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Louisville came out punching last week and did to Florida State what the GOAT did to Sonny Liston. Break-out star Lamar Jackson made the cover of Sports Illustrated while Bobby Petrino continues his remarkable career comeback from sordid mess he brought on himself. Rankman decided to forgo the legacy deference to Alabama and shuttle Louisville right to the top this week. See, we here at knee-jerk TMG like to be either three weeks ahead, or behind, on developing stories. We never like to be exactly “on” the story. Louisville broke Rankman’s poll vault record with its 14-position leap and the rest of the teams filed in respectfully like a queue at a London taxi stand. And now this...[membership level="0"] The rest of this article is available to subscribers only - to become a subscriber click here.[/membership] [membership]
1: Louisville (3-0): Petrino overcomes a Florida State, a mistress and a motorcycle crash in this week’s episode of ‘Then Came Bronson.’” (15)
2: Alabama (3-0): Head master Saban adds flea-flicker play to offensive playbook he is calling a “reverse psychologically.” (1)
3: Ohio State (3-0): Learned this week: Urban Meyer likes to drink one percent milk for breakfast and eat Oklahoma for lunch. (4)
4: Michigan State (2-0): Way it was going last weekend we thought Notre Dame game might end in a 110-110 tie. (13)
5: Michigan (3-0): Harbaugh report Wednesday. Sat in office, drank buttermilk, threw darts at picture of Urban, texted Tom Brady 15 times. (6)
6: Clemson (3-0): Dabo promises to get out of politics and stick to what he knows best, which we’re 65 and a half percent sure is football. (7)
7: Wisconsin 3-0: Badgers tab freshman Alex Hornibrook to start against Michigan State and hopefully also to finish it. (5)
8: Stanford (2-0): School sees SI cover and prepares Heisman press release: “Christian has no comment at this time other than to congratulate Lamar Jackson.” (10)
9: Houston 3-0: Rankman.com reporting Tom Herman will NOT get a $5 million bonus if Houston ends up in Sun Belt or Conference USA. (8)
10: Washington (3-0): How sweet: Huskies’ nonconference schedule voted “Most Likely to Succeed” in last year’s senior yearbook. (12)
11: Boise State (2-0): Based on top 25 polls you’d think this is the “Idaho” giving up Division 1 football after this year. (14)
12: Tennessee (3-0): No school has ever been ranked this high, this early, defeating a Monopoly board railroad company: Appalachian & Ohio. (16)
13: Texas A&M: (3-0) Sumlin’s team on track for another red-hot, 5-0 start that ends at 8-5 with a loss in the Music City Bowl. (15)
14: Florida (3-0): Hoping new quarterback Appleby is better than rib eye Rankman ordered once at the Applebees in Tifton, Ga.
15: LSU (2-1): Some comparing QB Etling to swashbuckling legend Errol Flynn. Wait…what? Sorry, Etling being compared to Matt Flynn. (NR)
16: UCLA (2-1): Just so we’re clear, “Eight Clap” this week at the Rose Bowl has nothing to do with eight straight losses to Stanford. (NR)
First Four Out
North Dakota State: Good week for the breed against Big Ten as Bison topped Iowa and Buffaloes gave Michigan a good game in Ann Arbor.
San Diego State: Beat the team, Cal, that beat the team, Texas, that beat the team, Notre Dame, that, well, beat Nevada.
California: Coach says next player who drops ball before crossing the goal line will get a private night tour at Alcatraz.
Nebraska: Just keeping this straight: Mike Riley is the head coach in Lincoln and Lincoln Riley is the offensive coordinator in Oklahoma.
Honorary Poll Bearers
Florida State\Charlotte: Both schools looking to improve after getting outscored by Louisville by the combined score of 133-34.
Texas (2-1): Rumor: things getting so bad defensively Charlie Strong put out feeler to see if Notre Dame DC is available. (3)
Oregon (2-1): Coach ordered one cookie at Eugene bakery and guy behind counter said: “I’m really surprised you didn’t go for two.” (9)
Notre Dame (1-2): Kelly so miffed at defensive coordinator he sold off all his priceless work by his favorite artist: Vincent VanGorder. (11)
Georgia: (3-0): First team to gain poll ground by defeating Nicholls State and Missouri by three combined points.
Army (3-0) Somewhere Red Blaik and Vince Lombardi are smiling over cocktails at the “Big Guy’s officer’s club.
Next Four NEVER
Kansas: Ranked dead last (127) in NCAA total defense (560.8 yyp), scoring defense (46.1 ppg) and elevation.
Kent State: Worst promo ever: “Team ranked by No.127 College Football News this week looks to pull off big upset at No. 1 Alabama.”
Idaho: Vandals started off 1-0 but have been outscored last two games, 115-20, by the Pac 12’s Apple Cup Kids.
Virginia: If head coach doesn’t get this Ford turned around fast fans may start calling him “Edsel” Mendenhall.[/membership]